The Gospel According to St. Titleist

Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. ~Grantland  Rice

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.    ~John  Updike

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. ~Robert  Lynd

If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G.  Hutchinson

They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them.  Golf is more complicated than  that. ~ Gardner  Dickinson

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d  starve to death.   ~Sam  Snead

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. ~ William  Wordsworth

If you drink,  don’t drive.  Don’t even putt.  ~Dean  Martin

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.  ~Tommy  Bolt

Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. ~Bishop  Sheen

I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced. ~ Arnold  Palmer

My handicap?  Woods and irons.   ~Chris  Codiroli

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.  ~Pete  Dye

I’m hitting  the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of  them!   ~Buddy  Hackett

The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.   ~Billy  Graham

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.  ~Jack  Lemmon

Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.  ~Mark  Twain

Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~Harry Vardon

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.  ~Raymond   Willis

May the ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters or small round sandy regions. ~Ben Hogan

If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle. ~All Us  Hackers

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.   ~George  Deukmejian
AND  FINALLY…………….

Remember Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.